Leather Journey #1: MaST and FPE2024

Over the past 4 months, I've attended the first 3 sessions of MaST Thomson and really invested time in research and mentorship with Thumper (my deepest gratitude for your time and efforts my dear friend). Before attending Florida Power Exchange 2024 this weekend, I had come to realize that I truly am a Dominant person and would likely be far more comfortable and authentic in a consciously negotiated and mindful Authority Exchange relationship (at least partial, possibly total). Thus far in my D/s journey, each relationship was dependent on my partner's gift of submission to me, meaning that they ultimately ran the relationship rather than me. I realized that I have been failing my D/s partners, including Stan, by not keeping the reigns myself. I made the decision that it is time for me to embrace these aspects of my personality for Me and anybody who wants relationship with Me going forward.

At FPE I set an intention to learn more about how I want to structure my relationship with Stan, including tools for running my personal household including our kids. I prioritized a class on applying project management to Total Authority Exchange (TAE) relationships. It wasn't quite what I expected it to be but it was very helpful regardless. It spurred a much more helpful conversation with Stan about how agile scrum works and how we could implement it in our day to day household management to improve everyone's experience.Friday before running off to a class on a high risk/edge play class (more on that later), Thumper asked me to try on a glove with a gauntlet. I thought maybe he had just purchased them and wanted to know my opinion on the quality or something. When it fit perfectly, he said, "they're yours now. You just received your first piece of gifted leather. Heavy gauntlets for a heavy player." (paraphrased) I gasped, felt stunned and honored, barely managed to hold back the tears of gratitude, pride, and most importantly the sense of being seen in my authenticity. A couple weeks ago Thumper was in the audience for a beautiful scene with Evil misfit toy and Master Jims Wetone, saw for himself just how heavy a player I can be.

In conversations with various friends afterwards, I realized I've become more comfortable with types of play I previously swore I would never be comfortable with (blood play, needles, saline infusion). At the edge play class, I realized that I haven't been tempted to play recently because I'm hesitant to engage in "edge play" in public and scare newbs, possibly even a professional client. The same old things (floggers, Dragon tails, paddles, slappers, knives for Sensory play, forced feminization) are routine and don't feed my inner sadist anymore. Even the heavy body impact with genitals that is foundational to my play with Stan after our various injuries over the past 3 years hasn't done it for me. The fantasy of putting needles through the skin on his cock, getting it hard and pulling the needles out, then punching it and chewing on it after the skin is more tender than usual and I can taste his blood turned me on. The idea of doing a decorative cutting with scarification in mind, smearing my cigar ash into the wound to create a Grey line in the scar, marking my property slowly and intentionally, made me feel dreamy. I'm truly in a new stage of personal growth and learning how to accept a new level of sadism that lives in my loins. I'm excited to feel inspired to learn more and teach more instead of constantly getting bored and feeling disappointed by play I see at public-ish play parties and conventions, by life in my current relationship.

-- Sir-Ambrose